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 My mom is crazy for my daughter but...

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:13 pm

she never shuts up about her to my siblings. She never really paid that much attention to her other grandchildren until Sage was born, and the main attention went to Sage. My other siblings have caught on that Sage is most likely her favorite, and some even call Sage my mom's ONLY grandchild. I'm worried that my mom in her stupidity and inability to keep her mouth shut is going to be causing unnecessary resentments towards my little girl. I have tried talking to her about it, but she gets hurt and offended anytime I say anything. What should I do??? And is there a procedure that I can have done on my mom to wire her mouth shut??
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:15 pm

Does she notice the comments herself?

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:19 pm

She has absolutely, positively NO self awareness, so no, she would never notice anything she says or anything she has done wrong. Mad
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:20 pm

Hmmm... Is it causing other family discord?? How old is your daughter?

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:27 pm

I think we (meaning my siblings) all know my mom is out of her mind and will never accept responsibility for anything and will never admit wrongdoing. I was talking to my sister the other day, and she said that my mom wouldn't shut up about Sage. I told her that I wished our mom wouldn't do that, and she said that she loves Sage to death too and she would never be resentful towards her, but I'm concerned with my brothers. My sister has a 13 month old, and Sage is almost 22 months old.

Admittedly, Sage is exceptionally smart. She already knows are numbers and knows almost all the letters of the alphabet, is speaking in complete sentences, totally grasps emotions, etc. I'm concerned that my next kid could be a total idiot, and then what will my mom have to say about him/her...
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:32 pm

I don't know if there is any way to get your mom to "get it". but sage is too young for you to talk to her about it as well.
I worry that my kids will be the kids that grandma doesn't love as much, but i decided that i didn't care.
Have your brothers said anything?? Do you live closer than they do. proximity might have something to do with it.. and i don't think the second one will be an idiot

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:39 pm

We all live very close to each other (fortunately and unfortunately). We went to eat at my mom's house maybe a month ago. Some of my nieces were there waiting on my brother, my SIL, and my nephew to get back from my nephew getting his Patriarchal Blessing, and I was waiting on my sister, her husband and son to get back from the airport from their trip to Sweden. My mom started going on about how amazing Sage is in front of my nieces who are 8, 6, and 4. I called my mom out on it, and she just looked at me like I had run over her puppy. My oldest brother is always like, "Sage is the only grandchild." I don't know how to respond to it. I guess maybe I should figure out what my response should be since my mom has no control over her tongue. I love my daughter, and don't want to belittle her to make the others feel better, but then again, I don't want the resentments to build towards her because my mom is an unmanned fire hose.
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 1:44 pm

Maybe you could talk to you siblings all together and come up with a strategy that everyone can employ to make a difference.
I think that the joke of sage is the only... is probably adding to the fire.
This is quite a sticky one. i'm going to think on it!

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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:52 pm

This is a sticky issue....

My kids are closest to my parents, and they are definitely the favorites, but my parents are very careful about talking about them or giving them too much attention whey my other nephews are around.
It became a problem when my daughter was born because she is the only granddaughter, and my SIL was being werid about her. So my mom was so careful she wouldn't even hold her or any of my kids when they were around.

My SIL has since had another baby so things have smoothed over, but I kindof know how you feel.

If your siblings know that your mom is "crazy" then I'm sure they understand but I like Jellybean's idea of you talking to them about it, just so they know that it is not coming from you.
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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:03 pm

I also don't want to call more attention to it. I think I'm a bit more sensitive about it. I don't know...I guess I should be happy that she feels a connection with my daughter. But then sometimes she has to try to convince herself, outloud to me, that it is better that Sage favors me over her. What is up with that?? That woman needs some help. I love my mom, but she has some problems.
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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:23 pm

Nothin' like Mom's with issues. affraid
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:09 pm

My parents were dead by the time I had babies (or, in my case BOUGHT babies), but there were some issues of favoritism in my family as well. I think that as the years went on, everyone just understood that it wasn't intentional and that we needed to get over our own insecurities that made us resentful. Ultimately, the family of kids that were the 'favorite' were the ones that were around more often than the others. They just had a more solid relationship.....

In hindsight, all of the kids have fond memories of their grandparents, if they are old enough to remember them at all. Every family has areas of insecurity where their kids are concerned. We all see weaknesses, strengths and parental issues in our own families AND the families of our siblings. However, all of that is really unnecesary if you just approach EVERYONE with love and recognize the strengths each child has and everything will come out in the wash.

If your brother/sister say anything derogatory about Sage being the "only grandchild" just laugh it off and assure him of your love for him - and his kids. Just my two cents.

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Mon Apr 07, 2008 5:43 pm

All of you have provided really good advise. I definitely appreciate it. I guess the good thing, though there may be resentments, they all love Sage too because she is a very funny and charming little girl. I wish my dad was still around (he past away when I was 14) because he could lasso in that whack-a-do mom of mine!
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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Mon Apr 07, 2008 8:06 pm

Edye, Can I carry you around in my pocket? Because you have the most insightful and loving advice and I think I need one of you on my person at all times.
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Mon Apr 07, 2008 10:37 pm

Awww, Amy, you're adorable. I guess I have just made enough mistakes in my life that I have to think a lot now! If you catch me at the wrong time my tongue can get the better of me.... and it can be.... FORKED! SHEESH! But, I try! I love you Razz Laughing Surprised Smile Very Happy

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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:13 am

I have the foot in mouth disease, and the forked tongue sheesh!! I'm toast!
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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:18 am

I sometimes come off ultra harsh. I think my career has a lot to do with that...I was so sweet and kind before I entered the business world.
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Amy
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:15 am

bite-me-edward wrote:
I sometimes come off ultra harsh. I think my career has a lot to do with that...I was so sweet and kind before I entered the business world.

That is funny that you would say that, because I feel the same way. I had a boss who was an ultra crazy woman who was always yelling and being really assertive/aggressive and I picked up some of her lovely habits. The business world will definitely do that to you.
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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:24 am

I've had to since try to readjust to being a SAHM. My husband did not like "business" me. He said I lacked a sense of humor, and I was overly uptight. Funny thing is I used to totally joke around with my clients and all my superiors. I just took the stress of the job out on my poor hubby.
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:17 pm

I have the same problem in reverse. The stress of my hubbies job always ends up on my and the kids. Things have gotten better since he started going to the gym before he came home. I feel bad for him always seeing the worst parts of people and situations.

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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:55 pm

Well....I have not one but TWO psycho mother in laws, and my own darling mum passed away 5 years ago.

They are both alcoholics, and insane....literally! The one is my husbands step mom, and she only loves her own kids grandkids and makes it very obvious to all of us. I have just decided that my kids will not spend time with her alone. She can be verbally abusive and so I just don't allow it.

The other is my husbands mom. She says and does things when she is drunk that would curl your toes. She did some horrible things to one of Darrin's brothers a few years ago, when she was drunk, and he all but cut him and his family off from her permanently. However, he eventually did kind of forgive her, but pretty much hates her. She is so nervous about upsetting him in the slightest, that she goes overboard in her attention to his kids. All the rest of the grandkids are treated like second class citizens. It was a little easier to hide it from them when they were younger, but my son is 16 now, and I can't hide it anymore. He told me at Christmas, 'Why is grandma insane?'

It is really hard, because my kids don't want to go and see her anymore...and she gets really mad because she thinks we are keeping the kids from her, and it just goes around and around.....

So, I guess I have no answers, but just wanted you to know you are not alone! BIG HUGS!!! SORRY, I FEEL YOUR PAIN...... pale

UGH!!!!!

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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:02 pm

Sheesh! I am the luckiest person in the universe! I just decided. My mother-in-law is 86 and the most loving and accepting woman I could ever dream to have in my life. Now, don't get me wrong... living with her was difficult at best, but she is delightful and I love her.

I know that many are not so blessed and I feel your pain... if you ever need a shoulder..... mine is nice and squishy!

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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:12 pm

K my Mother in law drives me crazy, but at least she doesn't drink. I can't even imagine hor crazy she would be if she did!!

ahahaahah
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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Tue Apr 08, 2008 9:03 pm

yup! WACKO!!!! geek

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bite-me-edward



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PostSubject: Re: My mom is crazy for my daughter but...   Wed Apr 09, 2008 6:41 am

My in-laws have never been involved in our lives, which I thought was A-OKAY! My husband is a convert to the church (when he was 18), got kicked out of his house, went on his mission when he was 19. When we got married, the only person who showed up was his mom because my mom bought her plane ticket. It has been bliss!

And then, my MIL, who is a raging alcoholic, started have alcohol-induced seizures. We had to get her out of Park City and into our home to save her life. I know it was the right thing, but it is hard to fully accept someone into your life who hadn't been there for 7 or 8 years previously. So she moved in with us when my first (and only at this point) child was 4 months old. So here I am, a brand new mom trying to figure the whole thing out just in time for my stinking MIL to move in and stay for freaking 6 months! It was agony. She is a good house guest, but I just really like my space and my territory. She was raised in the church, but wanted nothing to do with it when she moved out of her home. She thought raising a family in Park City would shield them from it so she was super pissed when my husband joined. He didn't even know she had been a member until he got baptized. She would make snide comments about the church while living in our home, and I nearly broke her neck...of all the things to be rude and disrespectful about...especially when we graciously let you come live with us. She finally got her tongue under control after we had a talk with her.

Now when she comes over (she lives about 5 miles away), I sometimes have these slight anxiety attacks as I'm afraid she might not leave!! I absolutely HATE when she and my mom are around each other because it is so AWKWARD as they compete for Sage's affections. COME ON PEOPLE! SERIOUSLY!!
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